The Colorado National Speedway in Dacono is in full season now, offering a near Nascar environment just east of I-25 to go along with the aforementioned goodies. This Saturday, the bill included the High Performance Chase, featuring a series of races including the always popular bus competition.

It’s as funny as it sounds.

The track is 3/8ths of a mile, meaning the races are fast and the action passes the grandstand frequently. We wrote about the experience last year—it’s a true family outing. The kids love it just as much as the parents and true race fanatics.

High Performance Chase, 6 p.m. May 17, Colorado National Speedway, 4281 Weld County Rd 10, Dacono. Call 303.828.0116.

Give CU credit for trying to breed good, political conversation on campus.

Then, Tom Tancredo had to go ahead and steal the headlines with his shortsighted perspective. The uber conservative Tancredo, a Colorado congressman, in mocking the university’s plan, offered his services as a professor. He even named a few classes he’d teach: “English Only 101” and “American Assimilation. The idea of a 20-foot-high fence around the shool’s border was also mentioned.

Sure, it’s kind of funny. But only when you think of it in terms of poking fun at Tom Turkey. Now, I’ve met with Mr. Tancredo before. He’s a nice guy when you sit down with him in person. But he is a racist, plan and simple. He has a one-track mind—getting rid of Mexicans here illegally.

He rarely offers good solutions, such as programs to help convince Mexicans to cross the border legally. Instead, Tancredo wants to build walls and hatred toward all Hispanics while building support among fellow conservatives.

He’s threatened to bomb Mecca. He’s called Miami a third world country. Basically, all he does is breed hate and racism.

Tancredo’s press aide told the Boulder Daily Camera he was just poking fun at CU and has no plans of teaching there upon retirement. That’s good news—it seems he is actually pondering retiring.

Maybe he’ll go away soon and leave CU to do what he cannot—build support on both sides of the political spectrum.
—Jacob Harkins

Methinks my coworkers might be right. Snobbery aside, there are some baseline standards that must be met when throwing down hard-earned cash to eat out.

Here’s the latest and it is perhaps the most irksome pick I have with the industry: Wait staff who forget who ordered what.

This is what your notepad is for.

Now, most often, this faux paus is not a big deal. The waiter comes to the table and asks, “Who had the…”

The hungry diner nods and gets a plentiful meal. No harm done, it’s just really annoying.

Saturday night was a little different. Our waitress at Big Hoss Bar-B-Q, a new Kansas City-style barbecue joint downtown that has received high accolades from the Denver media, came back to the table with four dishes (there were six of us).

“Who has the brisket with fried onions and cheesy corn?” she asked.

Crickets.

She placed the dish in the center of the table.

“How about the pulled pork plate?”

Crickets.

A third dish also belonged to no one in particular.

“You guys have to remember what you ordered,” she demanded.

No, we don’t. That’s a waiter’s job. Bringing the correct dish is kinda of important, too. The fourth dish was spot on, though. One out of four at a table of six is not a good start.

Her second trip back, she produced three more dishes—one stuck.

It took four trips and about 30 minutes to get everything straight. Had she checked her notes, (which had all off our dishes correct) she could have headed this problem off at the window by realizing there was a screw up.

She didn’t, and we sat through the Worst Dining Experience Ever, laughing at the situation to ease tension.

This leads me to a second pet peeve: When you mess up, it’s not the end of the world, but please show some love by taking something off the bill. I remember a terrible experience at a nice restaurant in Durango—they botched everything and it took forever. The manager came out, appoligized and took care of the entire bill for 12 people, including the tasty beers we indulged in waiting for everything to sort itself out.

We left a nice tip and I returned frequently for the next year I lived nearby.

Big Hoss should have perhaps comped my two meat platter (which we suspect was the first incorrect dish spruced up with the second meat I ordered and the proper sides). Everyone at the table was finished by the time it returned, repackaged the way I’d ordered it.

Instead we were stuck with the full bill, nearly $150 for mediocre barbeque complete with the worst service you could imagine.

I am a serial over tipper, yet I had to be convinced to leave $150 on a tab that totaled $146.50.

I will never return.

—Jacob Harkins

Living in a household of three men—my 72-year-old father, 38-year-old significant other and 12-year-old son—there is not a whole lot of rational understanding of how I could basically subject myself to burning the top layer of my skin off.

At the moment there are a few thoughts as to why myself. My eyes are swollen and puffy, my face red (not red like a little sunburn, more like having just walked through a nuclear radiation chamber). My face is blotchy and scabbing, and I can only use one type of ointment, Aquafor, which is basically whipped vaseline. It’s a nice, heavy greasy glob of relief.

I would like to say that I subjected myself to four days of hiding in my house looking something like a car-wreck victim out of research. The truth of the matter is the only research I am doing is yet another attempt to fight off the inevitable aging process. My niece, who is 19, and a coworker, 26, both want to preach to me about the beauty of aging naturally and gracefully. I always find it amazing those filled with youth, clear and wrinkle-free skin, heads devoid of gray hair and joints that actually work when they bend, have such a romantic notion of what aging gracefully looks like.

In reality we are all impressed when we meet someone who “looks great for their age”, and we make comments like “I hope I look that good when I am their age.” I’m not sure if any of these people burned the top layer of their skin off to achieve this, but I am willing to wager they have spent a fair amount on lotions, potions and a good aesthetician. Of course, there are always those with “good genes,” but I am not sure how many of those I believe. While admitting you use Botox is something equivalent to admitting you’re a necrophiliac or ax murderer, based on the availability of this treatment, it is my assumption that there are a lot more people practicing this attempt to hang on to their youth than are willing to admit it.

So what do I gain from four days of hiding in my house like a nuclear burn victim? Two years off my age? Ten? Who knows. What I do know is that aging ain’t all its cracked up to be. Sure, I am smarter and more confident and that’s a beautiful thing. But my breasts sag and I look like complete crap when I’m tired. My somewhat committed regiment of exercise hasn’t really helped me lose any weight, but I haven’t gotten fatter, for now, either. I have decided I like feeling good, and part of feeling good is also feeling good about my looks, even if that seems vain. I am not really trying to look 20 again, just not old. So I exercise regularly, get injections a couple times a year, use quality skin care products, wash my face every night, color my hair—and now laser my face away. Since the jury is still out on the results, I will let you know what I think of it a couple days from now.

Who knows, maybe the big joke is that when I am 65, all I will have bought is a year off. Should I spend more time working on my spiritual and emotional health as a human being to feel comfortable with my looks? Sounds great and makes for a righteous lecture from gray-haired hippies and 20 year olds. I do know that when I look in the mirror on those especially good days, I like how that feels. So, at this point, society and all its shame around vanity can kiss my you-know-what. I’m going for peeling a layer of skin off of my face.

I’ll let you know how it turns out.
—Shavonne Blades

It also is home to Ma’s Pizza, a New York-style pizzeria right on Main Street.

It seemed like your typical pizza joint, complete with paper plates and red and white checkered table cloths.

The menu has few options: pizza, calzones, salads and desserts.

There’s a twist: Two of its seven specialty pies include cream cheese. I was not impressed. Actually I was a little concerned about the combination. Owner Carlton Paterson assured us it was damn fine, even offering to eat the cost of the pizza if we didn’t agree.

So we asked for a 12-inch Dr. Gonzo, complete with pepperoni, jalapeños and dollops of cream cheese.

Guess what? It was a pretty darn good pizza. The cream cheese served as a mild extinguisher for the jalapeños and as my dining partner, Steph, the creative director, noted: “It’s like a special treat when you get to the cream cheese.”

It’s mild flavor and gooey melted texture is a nice addition to pizza.

I would have never thought it could work. We had no problem throwing down the $15 for it after we enjoyed the late afternoon snack.

—Jacob Harkins

Holiday is not green, he’s simply historical.

He has even been deemed the “World’s Skinniest Comic.” Somehow that provides even more legitimacy to the act. Holiday is on a national stand up tour and he’s bringing his 20 years of performing to Wits End Comedy Club in Westminster this weekend. If you haven’t checked out Wits End before, this is a great chance to see the funniest stages in the North Metro region.

Holiday focuses on pop culture and also sells funny homemade novelty items at his shows—a pair of Styrofoam antlers proclaiming “Buck Off,” for example.

So make fun of Holiday for being a “Skinny Man,” but don’t confuse him with that aforementioned frog and don’t miss him this weekend.

Kermit Holiday through May 10 at Wits End Comedy Club, 8861 Harlan St., Westminster, 303.430.4242.

After hearing the verdict and punishment, they left the courtroom, hand in hand, smiling and saying they look forward to helping the community during those 28 hours each has to serve.

Yeah, it would have been a terrible thing for these two to be married. It would have really ruined the ideals of marriage.

I hope you realize those sentences drip with sarcasm.

One of these days, we’ll all realize that a gay couple getting married is really not a big deal. It’s just two people in love, wanting to cement it with legal documentation and get a few tax breaks along the way.

This shouldn’t be a party line political issue—it’s a basis civil rights problem. Gays are no different than straights, blacks, whites or Hispanics.

Some gay couples would in fact ruin the “sanctity of marriage,” just the same as straight couples. Good marriages are based on good people. Period.

So kudos to Kate and Sheila for standing up for their rights and accepting the small punishment they received for trespassing.

1. Water Dragons
Whoever said pets aren’t good gifts has never seen mom’s expression when she finds a scaly new Chinese Water Dragon. $40 at PetsMart.

2. Longhorn Planters
Mom’s a big steer fan? This longhorn planter is a steal at $125 from Longmont’s Cowboy Classics.

3. Razor Wheels
Mom’s ’94 Chrysler Town and Country is gonna look sweet with chrome-plated American Racing Muscle Razor wheels. SUH-WEET. $230. Check Big-O Tires in Broomfield.

4. Digital Keychains
Pick up a digital photo keychain for Mom and fill it full of pictures of you. Clear the porn off your hard drive before you load it up. $29.99 at Best Buy in Longmont.

5. Scrapbooking Heaven
“Crop Around the Clock” for Mom—three days full of scrapbooking insanity, all for $55 at Cut It Out Scrapbooking in Louisville.

However, we will talk a little about digital rights, and that’s because the tide is shifting. I’d just like it on record that this is what I predicted years ago—in case anyone (besides me) is keeping score.

Amazon.com is now firmly entrenched in the No. 2 slot for online music sales behind only the ubiquitous iTunes. Amazon sells only unrestricted music, in terms of Digital Rights Management.

Meanwhile, Apple was forced to drop the price of its DRM-free music last year from $1.29 per song to $.99 per song to compete with Amazon, who’s been at that price point since it launched online music sales.

What’s really beautiful about this is the fact that the free market is what ultimately engineered this evolution. People want to be able to download a song and play it wherever they want—their computer, their iPod, their car. Maybe they don’t have an iPod and want to burn a CD and play that somewhere else. The point being, after years of labels trying to figure out how to sell more music while restricting rights, they’ve finally started to figure out that they can sell more by preserving rights.

In fact, the only thing keeping Apple in place is its unmatched ability to design hardware that people love. Users don’t mind the fact that they have to play the music on their Mac or their iPod.

It’s an interesting dichotomy between these two extremes, and proof positive in either case that the market will bear what the market will bear. Apple makes a premium product that people will support, even if it means forking over consumer rights. On the other side, there are just as many people who’d rather preserve those rights than bend to the label or manufacturer.

Ultimately, I believe the latter will win out. As more products enter the marketplace and people come to realize that they’re tired of Apple’s death grip on its proprietary formats, Apple will acquiesce. Need more proof? Witness the way Apple shifted its stance on third party application support on the iPhone last month—opening it up to the masses by providing a Software Development Kit for download to see what independent and corporate developers alike can wrought.

Meanwhile, if you’re downloading music (legally or otherwise), you need a broadband connection, and Comcast is the major provider in these parts. Kudos to the cable giant for coming to the table with consumers and BitTorrent and agreeing to use an “agnostic” approach to “traffic shaping.” What this means is that Comcast won’t be signaling out BitTorrent users for slowing speeds simply based on the application they’re using. On the flip side, Comcast still can improve, and could start by issuing a commitment to completely open and pervasive Net Neutrality.

There, my rant is finished. Now go download something cool.

Duran Duran
Aside from being relentlessly adored by heterosexual females more than just about any other group in history, Duran Duran also happened to be responsible for almost single-handedly launching the New Wave movement into the mainstream in the ’80s. Duran Duran helped bring the synthesizer notoriety and popularized the post-punk movement. Today, the group not only continues almost unfettered in the same direction they started in, but manages to sprinkle enough contemporary references in that they still sound fresh. 7:30 p.m., May 12, Wells Fargo Theatre, Denver, 303.228.8000. $44+

Return to Forever
Next to Weather Report, Return to Forever is one of the most important post-bop jazz groups that didn’t contain Miles Davis. Though the lineup evolved around two constants—Chick Corea and Stanley Clarke—the mid-70s offering was by far the best. Corea and Clarke were joined by Al Di Meola and Lenny White. They cut a new swath through jazz-rock fusion, cementing Di Meola as a star in his own right. It’s this lineup that returns to the stage this summer. It’s one of those jazz super groups you’ll tell your grandkids about seeing. 8 p.m., June 3, Paramount Theatre, Denver, $303.623.0106. 46.50+