There’s No Sulking On Valentine’s

We could’ve spent hours pouring through notes on cool spots, looking at past restaurant reviews, scouring the North Metro for the most romantic spots for Valentine’s Day couples—but you can get that in most magazines. So here’s a crib sheet: Dinner should cost more than $100 and include a bottle of wine, jewelry should come from a local artist, and roses need to be purchased by the dozen. Now for the real important advice, what to do when Thursday, Feb. 14, rolls around and your left alone.

SINGLE, AND FREAKIN’ PROUD
Her: Check yourself into a local spa for a massage or pedicure or both. Avoid the wax. Then, start a tradition, with a lofty name such as “Ladies Night.” Rent no less than three classic chick flicks (“Thelma & Louise,” “Terms of Endearment” and “Casablanca”) and buy a nice bottle of sparkling rosé (try a Gruet Brut Rosé) per each woman in attendance. Feel free to make this a sleepover so no one has to worry about driving after consuming all that wine, especially if there is enough negative resentment to lead to an un-intentional “car accident” involving a lovely couple crossing the street after their romantic dinner for two.

Him: Holiday stress reduction calls for a workout: Hit the gym after work, go for a long run or simply start a masonry project such as building a stone wall, then stash your fantasies behind it. We’ll also recommend you stay in on this year’s supposed special night. Call your other single guy friends, grab a 12-pack of Left Hand’s Milk Stout per attendee and rent at least three classic guy flicks (“First Blood,” “Bachelor Party” and “The Good, The Bad, The Ugly”). Beer drinking games are a plus, perhaps slugging some beer every time Sly grunts or Clint utters a bad ass catch phrase. Have your cabbie on speed dial, since the sleepover thing is just kind of weird for adult men.

SINGLE, AND FREAKIN’ LONELY
Her: We still highly recommend a spa treatment—because really, is there a bad time to get pampered? Get waxed, everywhere. Then grab your willing single accomplices and find a lively bar. Dancing is a plus. When you spot a single guy (please verify he’s single) be a little aggressive. Just don’t act desperate because we all know what kind of man you’ll attract (Flava Flav, anyone?), and where you’ll wind up eating your Cheerios the next day. Instead, start up a conversation, grab his number and ask him out for dinner another time. If all else fails, have “Casablanca” and a pint of Rocky Road on standby.

Him: If you’re looking for a quick score, go directly to Craigslist and stop reading this. But you’re better than that, so don’t let the lure of the “Casual Encounters” forum win. There are hordes of other dating websites not requiring pornographic acronyms to find romance that will be blistering with activity the week of Valentine’s Day. Post a flattering (and recent) photo, compose some witty text (intelligence is the new sexy) and perhaps you’ll find a willing dinner date. Again, dinner should cost more than a Benjamin and include some bubbly, and a dozen roses impress more than just one. Just tidy your home and wash your sheets before you head out, in case things really go well. You don’t want to be stuck single next year, do you?