Activities don’t always need to be college application oriented to be beneficial

Covid-19 profoundly shaped our world and deeply impacted our most vulnerable and developing population more than any other: our kids. The lack of socialization involved with virtual learning environments, coupled with the cancellation of almost all after-school activities, clubs, and organizations, created a massive deficit for anyone of school age to overcome.

Preceding Covid, a wave of mental health and stress was already washing over students. The pandemic only exacerbated what was already a looming issue of growing anxiety and depression among those under 18. The rigidity of standardized testing, laser focus on only the “top” colleges, and pressures of scholarships and grade point averages had reached a fever peak.

Addressing both of these issues — the missed years of social interaction and the increased stress from focus on academic achievement — can be handled in part by a different approach to after-school activities, clubs, sport, and organizations our children participate in.

The lack of socialization involved with virtual learning environments, coupled with the cancellation of almost all after-school activities, clubs, and organizations, created a massive deficit for anyone of school age to overcome.

Elementary and middle school

Kids need structure and adults need to set schedules in order to best handle the increase of stress we see across the board. There is a balance between planning activities and burning out your child. Jennifer Nelson, a community health worker at Mental Health Partners, explained that children often function best when screen time is not just limited but discussed beforehand alongside other tasks. She stated that “putting together schedules for kids is incredibly important. So you will have a certain amount of time based on the age, you have a half an hour of screen time. Then we have homework from this time to this time, and we have playtime from this time to this time.”

This structure coupled with a reasonable schedule of activities can help reduce anxiety that comes from unlimited screen time and the burnout that comes from having an after-school activity every day.

Nelson told us that “giving kids the opportunity to try different things doesn’t mean you have to schedule them for soccer every afternoon. She expanded that it can be just as beneficial to “give them opportunities to explore in the woods, try different activities, get on the skateboard, and go out and ride a bike for a while.”

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Clubs and sports at this age are crucial to help build socialization skills, teamwork, and early confidence. The social aspect of groups of kids playing, learning, and creating together outside of a classroom setting was especially highlighted when Covid essentially took that away. Developing life skills and pursuing hobbies as a child starts to get older — such as learning to cook, playing an instrument, or gardening — not only keep them stimulated but also act as a stress reliever to help deal with increased pressure that life will inevitably throw at them.

For many children, picking up an instrument at this age can be the beginning of a lifelong hobby of expression, creativity, and honestly, just pure joy. Lessons are important but so are things like after-school guitar clubs that encourage kids to interact and begin to improvise. Some children will, of course, turn into professionals, but for the majority, the artistic ability, confidence, and creative outlet alone are worth investing time in at an early age.

Another extremely important lesson to take away is that children need to have the room to be children. Forcing lessons, constant practice, and intense focus on grades can all drive a child away from something they were once passionate about. After school activities, scheduled sports, and responsible use of social media and the internet are all part of raising kids in the modern world, but there is also the confidence that comes from letting kids try and fail at new tasks, the innovation that comes from being bored, and the independence that comes from having time to play outside with friends. Clubs that build skills like Able to Sail, and organizations that hold hiking and camping events help kids get out of the house and begin to interact with and appreciate nature alongside their peers.

Forcing lessons, constant practice, and intense focus on grades can all drive a child away from something they were once passionate about.

High school

What is “cool” in high school has changed quite a bit over the last decades. I’m not even sure the word “cool” is still used. We’ve seen brands like Marvel, Barbie, and Lego transform from once openly mocked by kids with a false bravado and self esteem issues to now being embraced as some of the most important driving factors in pop culture. Embracing activities that you enjoy, as opposed to a singular definition of what is popular, is now a prominent way of thinking.

The rise in popularity with Marvel, Star Wars, and even DC Comics movies and TV series over the last decade-plus has echoed the rise of what was once called “nerd” culture. Enjoying superheroes based on comic books was once reserved for a select few in each school, now you are hard-pressed to find someone who hasn’t seen the latest series. In fact, many kids these days identify Disney with Star Wars more than Mickey Mouse.

This is all part of a growing trend of self-expression and identity. Accepting those who express themselves in non-traditional ways has grown among those under 18, as shown in a Pew Research poll on familiarity with gender neutral pronouns. The rejection of conservative values — so called “traditional” and religious impositions of supposed norms — has grown in youths as well according to the Brookings Institute. This is all to say that the lines among gender roles for activities and clubs like theater and dance, and the prestige of certain sports like football, have blurred.

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This could mean the role of other sports and school activities stands will increase. The values that football instills, such as team cohesion, mental fortitude, and physical strength, are still valuable but may need to also be taught through less violent means instead of being the “preferred” sport for so many parents.

The long-term health impacts from concussions have many families re-considering letting their kids play football. A growing number of former NFL players also question the safety of the game for children, with Troy Aikman, Kurt Warner, Drew Brees, and several others publicly stating they prefer not to let their kids play before a certain age. 

The intensity that some have for high school sports is well known. The pressure to succeed vicariously through their children sometimes drives behavior that would otherwise not occur in parents. A demanding coach faced with the drive to win can sometimes push a team too far. An anonymous source shared with me that a verbally abusive coach killed their passion for their sport. Success in sports is a wonderful feeling, but make sure to check in with your kids if you see a change in their drive, behavior, or desire. Great coaches shape youth in so many ways, but the wrong person in that role can also create lasting damage.

With so much focus on competitions, winning, and college admittance, it is important to maintain some activities that are simply for relaxation and fun.

The pressure to succeed vicariously through their children sometimes drives behavior that would otherwise not occur in parents.

College and university

The unfortunate truth is that most mental illnesses emerge during the years that many young adults are attending college and university. A 2022 survey by the National Alliance on Mental Illness reported that 73% of college students experienced a mental health crisis at some point during their college years.

The burst of independence can be liberating for some, but it can also create pitfalls. Joining the myriad of opportunities that these campuses usually have to offer can help reduce loneliness, introduce students to new groups of peers, and help form a sense of place in an unfamiliar environment. For many at this age, clubs and organizations can be about maintaining robust mental health as much as they are about creating connections and expressing passions.

Typically clubs and groups at this level tend to include more professional relationship building by activities like internship opportunities, alumni meetings, and networking with professionals in relevant fields. There is a strong truth to the age-old adage that it’s not about what you know but who you know. College and university are the time to create those connections that can help build a résumé, create mentoring relationships, or even help kickstart a career.

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One major choice numerous college students face is whether to engage with the traditional fraternity and sorority system or not. Depending on their experiences or perceptions, each parent will likely have their own thoughts on the Greek system. The real downside to joining these organizations is the hazing that may occur. CBS reports that there have been 50 hazing-related deaths in the U.S. since 2000.

The benefits of a fraternity or sorority are incredible, if they are taken advantage of. According to “The Atlantic”: “Fraternity men make up 85 percent of U.S. Supreme Court justices since 1910, 63 percent of all U.S. presidential cabinet members since 1900, and, historically, 76 percent of U.S. Senators, 85 percent of Fortune 500 executives.”

If the benefits outweigh the downsides and college students decide to join one of these organizations, make sure they also attend classes on hazing to recognize problematic behavior, join organizations that help promote safe and healthy interactions, and, when the time comes, run for leadership within the fraternity or sorority to make sure policies are implemented and followed. CU Boulder also provides a list of student advocacy organizations that can help students navigate these complicated tasks.

Focusing on creating relationships, becoming a reliable communicator, and gaining entry into a field you’re interested in can be even more important than your final GPA or major — not to say you should neglect either of those.

“Fraternity men make up 85 percent of U.S. Supreme Court justices since 1910, 63 percent of all U.S. presidential cabinet members since 1900, and, historically, 76 percent of U.S. Senators, 85 percent of Fortune 500 executives.”

Rethinking extracurriculars

Any of us with downtime during Covid experienced how important it is to have a hobby to keep you busy, a passion to keep you driven, and skills to help you thrive when faced with overwhelming change and stress. Having a life outside of one’s career is increasingly important, and many of us faced the stark fact that our job was our identity. Having the forced downtime made many adults sit down and rethink priorities, passions, and plans for the future. Many realized that existing outside of the capitalist cycle of bills and profits has immense benefits to mental health.

In a similar way, we need to make sure we are not forcing our children through a rat-race of clubs, activities, homework, and applications. The ability to create, the knowledge of self, and the social skills gained during this age help shape how they will react to challenges in their lives as well.

It is not just the parents and children facing stress. Educators are overloaded with work as well. Nelson shared the impacts of Covid on an already stressful occupation. “You add in the fact that teachers are trying to catch them up from all of that time that they missed during the pandemic … There’s a lot of pressure on teachers to get the kids grade level” after missing so much during Covid.

Activities ought to be viewed through the lens of socializing, exploring, and simply having fun, not just academic achievements and college application checklists. Playing sports or socializing after school should sometimes be about just being a kid.