Singles In The Suburbs 2025

In 2025, techno-dating-app-culture has shifted the common attitude. Yellow Scene (YS) reintroduces Singles in the Suburbs. We interviewed four members of the Boulder-metro dating scene to understand their perspectives.

Rhonda Browning

Rhonda Browning is a 47-year-old single mother who lives in Longmont. She loves walks around town, people-watching, and coffee. 

I’m curious: what values do you look for? What’s your ideal partner? 

I put a lot of effort into my relationships. I love a masculine man, and also someone who can be vulnerable, and I think that’s something that 6-month relationship taught me. We were very communicative with each other — hopes, dreams, failures, fears.

And so I feel bad for men now because they just don’t know how to be. You can’t be too masculine; you can’t show your feelings too much. I get that it’s a really tough place to be, especially in my age group.

So, you said the value shifts? Why is that? 

Well, I think it shifts because I meet different people. I have my list of deal breakers, and not because they’re bad things, but because they’re things I don’t want to deal with. I don’t want to date someone with a small child. I like to date people within a 20-30 minute radius of me. I think when I started this journey of dating again, I wanted someone to love me. Now, I want someone to value me and to see my light, and my strength, and my weakness, and my vulnerability.

It seems you are talking about this newfound self-discovery in this phase in your life. Is that correct? 

I love dating, and I want to find my person, but I can’t see that apps are the way to go in the future. I’m really trying to get better at just going and sitting in a restaurant, whether that’s by myself or with a girlfriend. Whoever comes into my life, our sense of self has to stay number one. But also this beautiful weave of just loving and caring and supporting each other.

Do you care to elaborate on the shifting attitude of dating?

The amount of people that don’t engage. Or, they’re like, “Hey, we should meet up sometime.” Ok, well, “I’m free this, this, and this date,” and I don’t hear from them again. And there are wonderful men out there that will ask you out, and make a reservation, and say, “I’ll pick you up.” I don’t do that on the first or second date. I know it; I’ve dated them. It’s intriguing, but I’m over it. I’m so over it.

Do you think dating apps have corrupted the dating attitude? 

Social media can be such a wonderful thing. Dating apps have just become any other social media: to say things you wouldn’t say to someone’s face, to paint a picture of yourself. When I look at some women’s profiles, I’m like, “What are you doing? You look like a cartoon.” Men use pictures that are 20 years old. Or, they don’t smile, so literally, you don’t know if they have teeth. Social media can be such a beautiful connecting thing, and I have connected with wonderful people over the years, but it’s just another way to hide and not be authentic.

Do you think there is a return to this authenticity you speak about? 

On one hand, humans are confused about where they’re supposed to go and how they’re supposed to act, but I do think there’s a shift in authenticity. And I think also the shift of knowing that you don’t need someone else to complete your life.

Story Alnite

Story Alnite is a 29-year-old trans-man who lives in Boulder. He works in the non-profit sector at a community resource center full-time in marketing and part-time at Junkyard Social in Boulder, “which is also a defense base.”

How is your experience with dating?

It’s been very unique. I’ve read studies that the Denver area, Colorado, is not the best place to find love. And I definitely have my follies here and there, but through dating in Colorado, I have found some of my best friends and the best community.

What’s it like dating as a trans person, as a queer person? 

I’ve been in Colorado for seven years now, and I identified as a lesbian when I first came out here. And it was interesting because I was a very high-fem lesbian, and I was also a sugar baby on the side. But as I started to transition, I started to realize that the people I had been attracted to before weren’t necessarily attracted to me anymore. As I got on testosterone, my identity changed. I identify as pansexual now, so dating, in general, has been a roller coaster. In fact, one of my first dating experiences after coming out as a transmasc person was a couple of years ago with another trans man who, funny enough, had asked me out when we both identified as lesbians, and I completely turned him down; I don’t even remember this experience. But he was friends with some mutual friends, and when I was working an event, he came in; I thought he was really attractive so we started dating after that. Since then, I haven’t had really anything more long-term. I’ve been kind of dipping my toe in and out with people with different genders and various sexualities, and it’s been really fun.

Do you think you’ve had to prioritize self-discovery a bit or self-love?

Also, I’ve found very intense love in my friendships. Because of that, I don’t accept the minimum from partners. So when I find someone who is not giving as much as I am or who isn’t matching my wants or needs, I’m willing to let go. I used to cling to every relationship that I had with a fear of not being loved or being alone.

What should our readers know about dating as a trans person? 

Parts aren’t people, and dating a trans-person who was once considered the same gender as you doesn’t necessarily make you queer, and that’s something that you can discover and self-identify from yourself. Open your heart. Love without barriers. Nobody is trying to change you or your sexuality or anything like that. 

Do you use dating apps? 

One of my best friends who changed my life I actually met on Bumble. I was like “I could imagine this person in my life forever.” The person that I’m talking to right now, who’s super awesome, I met on Tinder like a month ago, and that’s been really fun. I also use Grindr, which was a shocking experience as someone who used to identify as a lesbian to enter the world of gay-man dating apps. I was quite popular when I first got on there, which was very validating as a trans man.

Allison

Allison is a 42-year-old polyamorous chemistry professor who lives in Golden.

What’s your general dating attitude?

The title of the article is “Singles in the Suburbs.” I’m not sure what single means — to consider myself as an autonomous individual, and in that sense, I am now, and have always been a single person. But I have a long-term partner.

I feel Feeld to be the most useful for non-monogamous, non-hetero folks. OkCupid, Bumble, and Tinder are very monogamous, heteronormative-focused. I’m bisexual and polyamorous, and it became something that you had to explain to people. Those things took them by surprise, and it was hard to find people that were like-minded. [Although,] I love the promise and the fact that you can meet a wider variety of people that maybe you wouldn’t run into in real life.

Last year, I went on a real quest with Feeld and OkCupid. I made a spreadsheet digging into roughly 1,500 profiles in depth: messaging back and forth with about 40 people, talking seriously with about 20, and going on about 10 dates. I found a couple of people that I was interested in dating for a little while. So since last December, I took a break from them for about a year. In-person chemistry is just so much different; it’s more efficient when I meet people.

Being polyamorous gives me more perspectives on myself. I have one partner, and they reflect certain things back to me about who I am. Then, I meet someone new and get close with them and this other side of my desires, needs, and wants in life. Then the closer you get to someone, the more depth you get to that picture. I’ve been in monogamous relationships in the past. There’s all these other parts of myself that get quieted or taken down, and having close friendships can bring some of those out.

What are some things you think monogamous people should know about polyamory?

There’s a lot of misconceptions. I think a lot of monogamous people think of polyamory as one thing. We don’t even have labels for all of the different ways that people do polyamory. Labels can be confining.

When you’re dating multiple people at one time, you’re trying out different relationships. The only ethical monogamy is when everyone is free to explore their own desires and interests. If you’re telling someone they can’t do something else, that’s unethical. But if you’re saying I’m choosing to just be with this one person, not because they’re making me, but this is what I want right now, that’s the only ethical form of monogamy.

What would be your advice to have a healthy relationship?

Honest and open communication, not holding things back because of fear. I think we hold a lot of things back from the people in our lives because we’re afraid of how they will feel. You want to balance the thoughtful and mindful expression of your needs, thoughts, and feelings, but we hold back when we keep secrets.

I interviewed Daryl Jones the day he moved to Boulder from New York City. He has a PhD in neuroscience and works in the pharmaceutical industry.

What’s dating like? 

Dating sucks. So, I’m a 38-year-old gay guy. The dating scene it’s just rough. I think a lot of gay guys struggle with it. And I think LGBT people typically have a tribe or something they identify with. I don’t really fit in in that sense. I’m monogamous. I just happen to be gay. So that’s how I show up in the world. With the places I’ve visited the last couple of years, I found accepting guys, but I’m two years single. I’m looking forward to getting back into dating, but I think the apps [are] where pretty much everything happens these days.

Do you think the apps make dating suck?

The apps definitely have not helped. They’ve just become a library, where you just pick and choose what you want. And it’s that dopamine hit, swipe, swipe, swipe, so people just don’t engage as much. But also, I just think culture has shifted the last five years, probably due to the pandemic. Even gay bars aren’t organic. Gay bars sometimes can be just for hookups, or for just to go for fun, not for actual dating, and monogamy.

Do you want to say anything about ghosting?

It doesn’t bother me. I think guys just connect on apps, and there are so many like matches, you just chat, and then your chats just drift further down, further down. I’ve never been hurt by ghosting. Unfortunately, I think it’s just a culture of app dating.