Free Will Astrology

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Here’s how you can tell if you have a bad psychotherapist or counselor,” says my friend Laura. “She or he buys into all your BS, never questions your delusions, and builds your self-esteem even if that makes you into an asshole.” I agree with Laura’s assessment, which is why I’m going to spend our short time together today calling you on your BS.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): This will be an excellent time to read five books simultaneously, snack constantly on delicacies while avoiding heavy meals, climb a tree with an adventurous friend and make careful yet wild love right there, buy 10 cheap alarm clocks and smash them with a hammer out in the middle of a meadow, and throw invisible stones at any god, angel, or genie who won’t help you get the love you want.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): American poet William Stafford wrote a poem every morning for 40 years. I’d like to nominate Stafford to be your honorary role model, Gemini. Here’s your assignment: Every morning for the next 20 days, carry out a brief ritual (no more than a few minutes that feeds your lust for life.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Your assignment in the coming weeks is simple but tricky: Take devalued ideas or trivial objects or demeaning words, and transform them into things that are fun, interesting, or useful. Here are some precedents to inspire you: what the punk movement did when it made safety pins into earrings; and what gays did when they mutated the insulting term “queer” into a word of power.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): It’s a perfect time to work more intensely on cultivating a healthy relationship between money and your soul. For inspiration, read this wise counsel, articulated by Margaret Young, “You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “There have never in history been so many opportunities to do so many things that aren’t worth doing,” wrote novelist William Gaddis. That’s important for you to keep in mind during the coming weeks. You’ll receive a flood of invitations, but only some of them will be intimately related to the unique work you’re here on Earth to do. Please say no to all the others so you can attend to the good stuff with your heart on fire and your mind fluid.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Have you ever heard of the First Law of Holes? It says that if you get in a hole, you should stop digging. Please obey that law in the coming week, Libra. Once you realize there’s no other place to go but down, nothing should keep you committed to that course.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Most intelligent people realize that global warming is underway. This awakening is good, but I’m worried that it may be diverting attention from a more profound crisis: the Mass Extinction Event that’s killing off animal and plant species at a pace unmatched since the demise of the dinosaurs 65 million years ago. The possibility of there being future draughts, rising ocean levels, and crazy weather is daunting, but the more devastating fact is that Earth’s precious eco-diversity is dying now.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The largest rubber duck race in history took place last year on Ireland’s River Liffey, with 150,000 yellow vinyl contestants vying to cross the finish line first. It was a charity event to raise money for sick children. If anyone could organize an adventure that would top that extravaganza, it would be you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Last November, Major League Baseball announced that New York Mets’ pitcher Guillermo Mota had tested positive for steroids and would therefore be suspended for 50 games at the beginning of the new season. A month later, the Mets signed Mota to a new, two-year $5 million contract, despite knowing that his recent accomplishments on the baseball field had almost certainly been inflated by the steroids’ boost. I foresee a comparable scenario unfolding in your life, Capricorn.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “I’m interested in the boundaries where things change into other things,” writes Orene, one of my MySpace friends. Those boundaries should be your primary hang-out in the coming weeks, Aquarius. They are where all the most interesting action will be.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): While snorkeling in the ocean off the coast of Hawaii’s Big Island, I had a conversation with a dolphin. I asked her, “What can Pisceans do to make sure their overflowing emotions don’t cause the kind of chaos that undermines their ability to get things done?” Suddenly I was filled with thoughts: Pisceans must love their oceanic emotions unconditionally…must see their endless inundation as a privilege and a blessing…must learn to surf the endless tidal wave not with a fearful sense of being a victim but with an exhilarated gratitude for adventure.

To check out my expanded audio forecast of your destiny for the second half of 2007, go to http://RealAstrology.com.