Dear Santa…

There are a lot of things I’d like for my >INSERT APPROPRIATE SECULAR HOLIDAY HERE< gift this year. So, I decided the fair thing to do would be to list them all here, so my legions of readers and fans (ahem, um, talking to you, Mom) don’t have to rack their brains only to come up with the ugliest sweater known to man as a gift FOR YET ANOTHER YEAR (really, who even makes reindeer sweaters for grown men?). Not that I’m complaining or anything. Thanks in advance.
1) Sony PS 3: Sure, the Wii’s cute and the Xbox 3 rocks. But the Playstation’s controllers are still the best, and it’s also a Blu-ray player, which means I can watch Megan Fox running around in cut-offs for a couple hours in better definition than if I was hanging out with her in real life. And I don’t have to actually talk to her. $299 (target.com)

2) Tauntaun Sleeping Bag: Remember that scene in Empire Strikes Back where Han Solo finds Luke half frozen to death on the ice planet of Hoth? Remember when he used Luke’s lightsaber to slice open his Tauntaun steed and stuff Luke in the steaming pile of innards to keep Luke alive? This sleeping bag captures all of it, except without the smell. $99 (thinkgeek.com)

3) Flip Ultra HD: Shooting that award-winning documentary about the annoying habits of my co-workers would be so much easier if I had this sleek, little high-def digital camcorder. Especially for when we all have to eat birthday cake together and pretend to like whoever it is who’s having a birthday that month, since I can eat the cake with one hand and hold the Flip in the other. Plus, it always freaks everyone out when I eat cake with my hand. $199 (store.theflip.com)

4) Ion IPTUSB Turntable: I still have plenty of vinyl, and I have my old Sony turntable that works just fine for listening to it all, thank you very much. But I’d love to be able to store a lot of that music digitally too, and this adorable, little machine does it via USB while looking totally awesome at the same time. $99 (ionaudio.com)
5) Doctor Who Tardis 4 Port USB Hub: Last month, I talked about how awesome USB connections are, enabling things like Flash Rods (flashrods.com). Well, while those are certainly cool, this fully functional Tardis USB hub does everything a good hub does, and many of the things the Tardis does—except for time travel…for now…$29.99 (thinkgeek.com)

6) Garmin Approach G5 Golf GPS Navigator: iPhones have pretty much rendered GPS units useless; however, it’s usually bad to bring the phone onto a golf course. The Garmin Golf Navigator is a slick, rugged little device that will tell you exactly how far you are from the pin at any point on pretty much any golf course in the world. Which will make you even more of a laughingstock at the 19th hole when the guys discover how little positive impact this expensive toy has had on your abysmal game. $382 (ecost.com)