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Dumpster Diving: sugar daddies, shaving time and McDonald’s

Published on: April 7th, 2015

We get a lot of ridiculous spam email every single day. We’ve shared a few of them in the past, but maybe it’s time to take a dive in the dumpster again and pick out some of our favorites.

Remember to include Leg Lube in your Spring publication

From: Austin

Leg Lube promises the fastest legs on earth by “shaving time.” We understand how the product could cut back on time for shaving legs, but how is it making our legs move faster? Is it laced with an enhancement drug that seeps into our pores in the shower? Does it come with an additional pair of shaven silicone, robotic legs that we can put on, allowing them to propel us down the winding mountain trails a little faster? Do they ship it with a courtesy Lamborghini?

The email doesn’t give us much, except it is a performance shave gel that can be used in or out of the shower. Oh and it was created by athletes for athletes. It’s hard not to imagine a bunch of ripped men and women sitting in a circle and competitively shaving. Every scratch or scrape is a penalty, and the fastest, smoothest shave wins.

It’s very Sweeney Todd for the legs.

First-Ever Waterless Shower Head: The Newest Innovation

From: Meagan

Woah Meagan, are you drunk? A shower, bath, or swimming pool just isn’t as fun without water. Not to mention we can not lather, rinse, repeat to make sure our hair is shiny and healthy. Water is essential in the cleaning process, and although I would love to cut back on my water bill I don’t want to get blown every morning.

It was a very weird email to get on March 25. Especially since it was an April Fools joke a whole week early. C’mon, it’s called April Fools for a reason. It also failed on the premise that no one would want to eliminate water from their shower. Bad PR WaterPik, bad PR.

Rich Men, Want women To Spoil

From: Rich Men

Let’s address the real issue here. Why is the entire title of the email capitalized except for the word “women”? I hope you aren’t looking for a woman that doesn’t notice your subtle way of making them less than you. I hope you aren’t looking for a woman who aren’t empowered enough to demand she doesn’t sign a prenuptial agreement.

And in case we are way off base, we would love to take you up on the offer. Of course we aren’t women, but there have got to be a few rich men who want other men to spoil. Don’t limit yourselves gentlemen.

Horrific News………Kevin

From: Kevin

Poor Kevin. He just wanted to travel on a whim, and leave without telling anyone that he had to go on tour in the Ukraine. But things went sour and his wallet and his mobile phone were stolen, and the hotel management is holding his passport until he can pay the bills. Aside from sounding like Hostel part 10 it also reeks of complete horse crap. We can all guess where this was heading.

“I am sorry if i am inconveniencing you, but i have only very few people to run to now. i will be indeed very grateful if i can get a short term loan from you this will enable me sort our hotel bills and get my sorry self back home.”

Kevin, we feel for you, however, we are living on a journalists salary and there is simply nothing we can do.

Lose 28 Lbs By Eating McDonald’s (Click_For_Proof)

From: Michael

No.

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