Decades after her mother was murdered by her father, author Lisa Fierer shares her story

Q&A With Author Lisa Fierer about finding healing through yoga and writing

In “Thirst,” author Lisa Fierer writes about living in an abusive household, and piecing herself back together after her father murdered her mother. We sat down with Fierer to talk about her healing process, future ideas, and if forgiveness is attainable in a situation like hers.

Yellow Scene: Does it get easier to talk about your past? 

Lisa Fierer: I work full time as a yoga teacher, and I only bring that up because with a book out in the world it invites people to bring up traumatic topics at unexpected times. So, I’d say yes and no. 

YS: At one point you wrote that you wanted to lock your past away. Why tell your story now?

LF: The truth is that it wouldn’t let me go. And honestly the seed was planted when I was a little kid. I always had my nose in a book. I don’t think I was conscious of it. But I was always looking to relate and to read about a character that had a life like mine.

YS: Do you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? 

LF: Yeah. I know that I do. I’ve never technically been diagnosed with it. When my mom was murdered, we just weren’t sent to therapy. It’s the early 80s. And [therapy] was so taboo… So, yeah, I know that I live with it. I know that I navigate it. I know that’s a lot of what my addiction was trying to medicate. 

LS: How long have you been sober?

LF: Twenty-eight years.

YS: How do your siblings feel about you telling your story?

LF: I was really open from the get go. Every relationship is different, especially between siblings…One of the greatest pieces of advice I got in my writing community is to write first and edit later. And that has applied in everything but especially about family.

YS: What drew you to your first Sun Dance? 

LF: I would say the same thing drew me to that as to writing this book – this deep sense of knowing that is beyond debate. In yoga that might be called dharma or life purpose.

YS: What does forgiveness mean to you?

LF: It means a space beyond the hurt that doesn’t dismiss the hurt and the harm that occurred. That’s why I think it’s such a fascinating topic. I don’t think there’s one prescription that fits every situation. Every situation is so unique that it’s changed for me throughout my own relationship with my dad, for example. I never wanted to forgive him ever because it was the only power I had in an otherwise completely powerless situation. It wasn’t until I realized I was imprisoning myself with my own rage and resentment that I began to open up to something different. 

YS: Have you forgiven your dad?

LF: Yeah, definitely. But it’s not a one and done thing. I mean it is. I know that I’ve forgiven him because even though he’s gone, when I think of him now, it’s in a completely neutral and often positive way, which was never the case. 

I think what’s important about my story is the fact that I write about being such an asshole. And often, I look back and that gets lost. Seeing my father in me helped me be willing to excavate some of that and to empower myself. 

YS: At one point you mention that a book was itching to come out of you. Do you think that itch correlated with some of the healing you were doing through yoga?

LF: Definitely. I had tried to dampen down and forget about that experience with alcohol and addiction. And this is what was beneath all of that. 

YS: Is your reckoning with the past over?

LF: Is it ever? I don’t know. I think there are kind of layers. I don’t think the piece that I feel about it will just dissolve. But I’ve never been married. I certainly wrote about a pretty intimate relationship. When I encounter those and perhaps a partner’s relationship with their dad that there may be new or other layers. I don’t feel afraid of it though. I think that’s the difference.

YS: Do you think you have other books in your future?

LF: I hope so. I hope they’re really light. There’s maybe a children’s book or a prescriptive nonfiction [in my future]. Maybe I’ll write about what happened behind the scenes of thirst. But honestly, I’m so over that story.