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Gone Pumpkin Gone


The Grinch is at it again, only this time the green-skinned fiend is not after Christmas, he’s after pumpkins. How else to explain the recent disappearance of a 150-pound great pumpkin that was snatched from a Longmont home just weeks before Halloween? Authorities suspect the Grinch may have had help. “I don’t see how they could have even gotten it,” pumpkinless Joe Anzures said, referring to the massive gord taken from his home on Third Avenue. “There was no way it could have been done with less than two people.” The theft has upset the kids, who saw the massive gourd take root from a seed last May “Only a Grinch would steal a kid’s Halloween pumpkin,” mom Stephanie Anzures says. The Anzures had high hopes for the pumpkin. They planned to enter the beast in the Flower Bins’s annual Big Pumpkin contest. Now, those dreams are gone forever. The pumpkin is described as orange with white stripes and slightly lopsided. (Perhaps the same thieves stole Yellow Scene’s pumpkin, a fifty-pound beast that went missing from our stoop. —ed)

[Fight night]
Dog Bites Man, and Makes News!
A Boulder man and a friend’s pit bull apparently tried to reenact the classic 1997 heavyweight bout between Evander Holyfield and Mike Tyson with the pit bull, playing the role of Tyson, biting off the friend’s ear. The carnivorous battle went down near the Boulder Creek path. That’s where Edward Valdez, the Evander Holyfield wannabe, was playing somewhat aggressively with Fraya, a pal’s 4-year-old pit bull. Witnesses said Valdez head-butted the dog. Boxing fans will recall that Holyfield also delivered several head-butts to Tyson before Iron Mike turned into a raging animal and chewed off part of Holyfield’s ear. Tyson was disqualified for cannibalism. In addition to the alleged head-butt, Valdez reportedly pulled on the pit bull’s ears during the mock brawl. That’s when Fraya tapped into her inner Tyson. Valdez denied getting rough with the dog. Boulder authorities said the ear was recovered. “The victim said he was sitting by the dog, and when he sat up, the dog bit him,” a police spokesperson said.

Blind Injustice
A 67-year-old Nederland woman faces criminal charges and a lifetime of shame for allegedly bilking cash from a 90-year-old blind man. Authorities claim the suspect, Bonnie Gayle Sundance, is accused of stealing from her boss by giving herself $8,000 in unauthorized raises. The victim’s daughter told cops that Sundance took advantage of a blind person. “Because of his blindness, he must rely on the honesty of the person who prepared the document because he cannot read what he is signing,” the woman told investigators. Sundance says she has been wrongly accused. “I am innocent,” she told the press. We’re too cynical to buy into that.

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